I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
