that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
