so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
