I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
