I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
