I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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