Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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