I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
