Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
