Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
