I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
