sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
