once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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