oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
