How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
