didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
