3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
