She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
