I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
