Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
