Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
