You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
