I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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