I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What a dumb baby whore.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
