I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
