Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
