Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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