Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
