he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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