dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
