Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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