just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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