When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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