Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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