My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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