If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
