My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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