i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
