I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
