I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
