Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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