i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
