No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Alive.
So much puke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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