Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The power of my boobs compel you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
