I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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