You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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