fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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