I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
