and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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