he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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