Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
