He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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