Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
