This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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