you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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