I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
