You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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