epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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