I think my fart just growled at me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
